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The nation mourns today with the news of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, which left twenty-eight people dead, twenty of whom were students at the school. This is only the latest in a long line of mass shootings over the course of the past several years: the shooting at a Dark Knight Rises screening this past summer, the shooting in Tucson, Arizona last January that injured Representative Gabrielle Giffords, the 2009 rampage at a military base in Fort Hood, Texas by a deranged Army psychiatrist. Cleary, something must be done. The U.S. government offers the following plan, designed to prevent further national tragedies to gun violence while preserving the Constitutional freedoms treasured by all Americans.


Firstly, it is important to remember that it is not guns that kill people, but people who kill people. The Second Amendment of the American Constitution guarantees us the right to bear arms, and each American has the right to protect him or herself from potential threats. I propose that we introduce more guns into our schools. By slashing the budget of the Bureau of Education and disbanding teachers’ unions, we will be able to provide every student in America with a gun, which they will be required to carry on their persons at all times when in school. If only the schoolchildren of Sandy Hook Elementary School had been armed, perhaps this tragedy could have been avoided.


In addition to providing guns to America’s schoolchildren, it is also vitally important that they be given to the nation’s mentally ill. As these Americans possess mental factions that are working at less than full capacity, it is essential that they are provided with the best protection possible. Therefore, each and every mentally ill American shall be provided with an automatic handgun. These weapons shall be paid for through cuts to the U. S. Department of Health and Human Services and distributed as quickly and efficiently as possible.


Though it is the right of every American to bear arms, as guaranteed by the Constitution, the United States government does not propose that guns be provided to known criminals, illegal immigrants, recipients of federal aid, or others who have proven themselves to be unworthy of freedom. As a result, the United States government will deploy forces to states which have, in recent years, been the sites of horrific sites of gun violence, such as Colorado, Texas, and Connecticut. Though military action may seem like an extreme measure, it is necessary to curtail this recent crop of national tragedies. The United States government asks for the support of its citizens in its attempts to curtail the violence in these rogue states.


With these actions taken, the only remaining course of action is prayer to our Almighty God. As it says in our nation’s Constitution, “He is the way, the truth, and the light,” and we must turn to Him in this time of national tragedy, as we do in all times of tragedy, for His ways are just, and He will give us rest.